Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Living in a box

Today is Imbolg, the sabbat of Brigit. I am new to Wicca, so I have spent part of the morning reading about Brigit and how to celebrate the promise of spring's return. And how do I do this while living in a box?
What do I mean, living in a box? That is how I feel about what I am going through. Out of fear of major drama from my family, I live my spiritual life inside my 'box.' This is where I keep my beliefs, my hopes, and my dreams. I keep them hidden away from all but a few people, those whom I know I can trust. And the only reason I am doing that is for the sake of my children.
I know that if I leave my box it will mean conflict and hurt for them. The religious and closed-minded members of my family - and Mr. D's, for that matter - will not understand my reasons for turning my back on the religion of their choosing. I would be cast out, a fact that doesn't really bother me that much. My kids will not understand any of that, though, and I will not put them through it.
I think maybe if it was any other religion, they probably wouldn't react so harshly. I could also be over-reacting. Maybe they would just pretend that I'm not a witch, the way that they pretend my gay cousin's boyfriend is just his roommate. Maybe they would pretend I don't exist, they way my Grandfather treated me when he found out I was pregnant and unmarried.
I know my Mother would be devastated. Maybe that's why I want to keep quiet. After all, an it harm none, do as you will. By opening my box I know it will harm people. So I have this conundrum. If I open this box I will hurt others. If I keep this box closed, I hurt myself. What do I do?
I keep it closed, at least for now. When the time is right I will step out of my box. But until then, I will teach my children how to make Brigit's Crosses, treat nature and others with respect, and a little bit of magick.
Blessed Be.

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