Testing the Waters

May 2nd is International Pagan Coming Out Day, and I have been thinking a lot about how I should recognize that day. I've read many blogs and news articles covering IPCOD and have finally come to the conclusion that small steps are going to be the best plan of action. First, I am going to wear my Triquetra pendant every day without fear. I love the Triquetra (shown above). To be honest, the Pentacle is just too in-your-face for me. A Triquetra is much more discreet. I have never been one who likes a lot of attention, so a Triquetra suits me just fine. I am actually considering getting one tattooed on me as a birthday present to myself in June.  Second, I am going to try to stop being so fearful about what other people think. I am under no obligation to explain myself to anyone, as I don't expect anyone to explain themselves to me. A personal spiritual path is just that; personal. My path is only best for me. Third, I am going to "come out" to one person in my family; my sister. I think she may already suspect I'm Wiccan (or something similar) anyway. I am still debating whether to call her or write a letter. A real letter. Sent through the USPS with a stamp and everything. Either way, I think she'll be understanding and discreet, especially with our parents. I want a family member (other than my husband) to know of my wishes in case something where to happen to me.

I don't think that I will ever come out to my parents, and there are several reasons as to why. I remember when my Mom found out that my uncle's ex-wife was a Witch she seriously considered trying to get custody of my young cousins. I remember all of the scary and untrue things my Mom told me about witches. I believe that if I come out to her her reaction will be the same. My above mentioned sister left her husband more than a year ago and will be filing for divorce soon. My parents told her what she was doing was an unforgivable sin, even thought she was leaving an emotionally damaging relationship. They would rather she stayed with a man who didn't treat her well than suffer the 'sin' of divorce. My beautiful sister has recently met a man who treats her like a queen, and my parents refuse to talk about him. I don't understand how they can treat her this way. Can you imagine what they'd say to me? I've suffered enough emotional abuse at their hands. I don't want to go through more.

I want to thank those of you who read my blog. It means a lot to me to have your support. I welcome your comments!

Blessed be!

Something Good

Something Good, from The Sound of Music

Maria:
Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somwhere in my wicked, miserable past
There must have been a moment of truth

For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

Captain:
For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should

Maria:
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

Maria and the Captain:
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could

Maria:
So somewhere in my youth
Captain:
Or childhood
Maria:
I must have done something . . .
Maria and the Captain:
Something good




Okay, so I can be a little bit sappy sometimes. But this song has been playing in my head this evening, and it took me a while to remember what movie it was from. The reason I have it stuck in my head?


I have the most wonderful husband!!!!


I am truly blessed to be married to Mr. D. He has been so supportive of me during my spiritual adventure. I'm still a bit shy talking to anyone, even him, about my journey, but when I do he always surprises me with his understanding and encouragement. I don't know what I would do without him.


A new friend has told me about an online Wicca College, and after looking through their curriculum I am really interested in enrolling. I told Mr D about it and he is encouraging me to enroll. I can't wait to get started!

Road blocks

For some reason I have this weird writer's block. For hours, while I do things like run errands or clean the house, I can think of hundreds of things I want to write about. But as soon as I sit down at the computer I draw a complete blank. I think that it may have something to do with how hard sharing my feelings is. This is one of the reasons I can't even keep a journal going for more than a couple of days. I once had a journal publicly exposed by an ex-boyfriend, and ever since that day the mere thought of having written proof of my life can send me into a panic attack.


I think another reason for my writer's block comes from having to admit that I have feelings I don't like. Today I have been feeling very alone. Not lonely; alone. I don't really have a close girl friend anymore, someone who I feel like I can call at any time and for any reason. And now that I think about it, I haven't had a friend like that in decades. Sure, I have lots of girl friends, but there is no one person that I know I could talk about anything with without hesitation. Jim Morrison said "Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is." I hope that one day I can find a girl friend like that. I am lucky that Mr. D is a friend like this.


I believe that the main reason for not being able to find a friend is because of my Wiccan beliefs. I live in a very conservative area, and most of the women I know are very religious. I know that if they were to find out my beliefs that I would get 'that talk.' You know, the one where they judge me, tell me I'm worshiping Satan, etc. I don't need to be judged like that. I don't need to be told that they will pray for my salvation.  I don't mind talking about what it is I believe in if people are willing to listen, but those kinds of conversations are always one-sided. It seems that as soon as someone hears you're Pagan they shut off their ears.


On a lighter note, Easter is this weekend and so far our only plans for Sunday are to take the kids to my parents for a quick Easter egg hunt. No family dinners planned (that we know of) for either the in-laws or my family. YES! That means we can just relax and watch the kids come down off their sugar highs! I have to admit to something I find funny. I'm putting lots of dinosaur toys in Buddy's Easter basket. I just think it's a little bit ironic. I am wondering when we are going to find the time to dye all the eggs I bought. I am also wondering how we are going to eat them all! I only bought 4 1/2 dozen eggs..........